The Remix

All right stop collaborate and listen

Ice is back with a brand new invention

That’s right folks; I’m talking Italian Ice here. Sure, some Italian or perhaps an Italian wanna be made it up, but you can’t deny it. Freakin’ tasty and light, waddah ya say?

Something grabs a hold of me tightly

Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly

What is the difference you ask? Well, it’s not a sorbet, and it’s not a granita. It’s something in between. Using fresh fruit puree, and a sugar solution of water and sugar you mix the ingredients together and spin it. BUT, unlike sorbet, with its smooth texture, Italian ice has a toothy texture that is attributed to the higher water content.

Will it ever stop yo I don't know

Turn off the lights and I'll glow

So why I am religiously looking for places that have Italian ice? That’s because in the next restaurant my group is opening, my chef wants Italian ice- no, not because his grandfather learned the perfect recipe from his grandfather and it would be an ode to his culture and family. But like most people, including myself, he is a card carrying “I wish I was Italian” kind-of mangacake. (Look it up in urban dictionary…yeah, you’re one too.)

To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal

Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle

I hit up Three Aces, Miko’s and some obscure place in NYC- and overall, Miko’s takes the ice. (There is a place on Cicero that is legendary, but I take public transit and pretty sure with the way CTA runs these days, it would take me about 16.74 days to get there, so you know…workin’ on it, sheesh.) Italian Americans seem to gravitate towards this frozen treat, and Chicago is not short of availability. But how do you decipher which ones are the winners and which ones deserved to be whacked by the mafia?

Dance go rush to the speaker that booms

I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom

Things that can wrong are the sugar content and the “icy” levels. Too sweet and you are left with a sugar syrup coating your entire mouth. Too much water and its likes shards of glass in your mouth. If you, by the grace of The Virgin Mary, get your sugar and water levels right, then you are enlightened with the delicious fruit flavor and airy texture that creates the perfect Italian Ice; you would even be accepted into the Family.

Deadly when I play a dope melody

Anything less than the best is a felony

So, how do I hope to achieve such perfection in something so simple yet diabolically easy to muck up? Testing, of course! Certain flavors translate better. Watery fruits generally get a bit muddled, but pungent fruits like lemon, blueberry, and passion fruit pack a punch and leave you to shove your face in the entire cup. (I may or may not have experienced that in real time.)

Love it or leave it you better gain weight

You better hit bull's eye the kid don't play

So look for me come this winter, pulling my hair out till I find the perfect consistency of the most traditional American Italian ice there is, lemon. Perfectly tart yet when mixed with the appropriate amount of sugar has the balance that can cool you off on any Chicago winter day.

If there was a problem yo I'll solve it

Check out the hook while Bitter Chick revolves it

Ice Ice Baby.

Too cold.