A Second Helping of BullSh*t.

Apparently, I am onto something.

A couple of months back, I wrote about the Modern Chicken, the flavorless poultry of men who come into your life and leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. (For original article, go to the Sept posting).

Since that article, I have had the (unfortunate) chance to hear more stories of Modern Chickens than anyone could ever stomach. Case in point, I just heard today two back-to-back stories of men dating women exclusively for a period of time and then just miraculously flying away from the scene, without an explanation or even a hint of what was coming. In both scenarios, the women each took it upon themselves to contact the Modern Chicken directly in hopes of getting some sense of closure and perhaps (if lucky) some reasoning to their strange behavior. And of course, the Modern Chickens did what they do best. They eventually sent some BS email or txt message explaining nothing and of course, apologizing for nothing.

Modern Chickens may be able to fly, but they also know how to peck—peck into your life without you even noticing, peck interest in you so you do the same, and just when you thought it was safe to think what you saw in front of you was a man and not some feathered fiend, they peck you right in the head or heart and leave you with nothing but a huge serving of disrespect.

It’s fight or flight, fellas. Animals do it. And apparently, Modern Chickens do it too. But I am fighting back.

Don’t you dare send an email for something you know you should do live. Don’t run from a scene and think you are in the clear. Don’t hide out from your responsibilities and social graces. Don’t send unnecessary and inappropriate messages via technology hoping you can still get under someone’s skin or better yet, their pants. And please, don’t waste anyone’s time. Don’t waste our mothers, our friends, or any woman that you know. You have a mother somewhere out there who hopefully raised you right or did you come from an egg?

And most of all, don’t waste mine. Because if you even think of it, I will hunt you down and defeather you so quickly and throw you in the fryer so fast, you won’t even know I served your sorry ass for lunch.

And Dad, yeah, I got that txt message for my birthday.

- Eldest

Half Baked

2009 In a Nut Shell:

Its only natural at the end of the year to reflect upon the last twelve’s months.  2009 started rough for me; she was fickle, inconsistent, threw me under the bus whenever she could really.  All in all, 2009 was a bitch.

I almost feel as if she was that cool girl in high school that felt the need to torture…. surrounding you with her robots that make pastry cream from a powder.  These robots made me question who I was, what I wanted, why I wanted it to the extreme were I just didn’t know who I was at the end of the day. But alas, a silver lining, if it wasn’t for these difficult times and losing things I didn’t want to, I would have never found what my priorities really were. 

You see, my career always came first; never was it my family, my friends, my health.  But 2009, she let me have it.  She gave a dose so high that I couldn’t disregard the fact that I needed, wanted, other things aswell.  Does that mean that I have to retire my knife and spatula? No, of course not.  Does it mean that I will not acquire my dreams of owning my own establishment?  Never. 

For this Bitter Chick, a realization like this is hard to swallow.  To live a certain way for so long, then to attempt to change it can be somewhat, frightening.  I always submerged myself into my work, not allowing anything else to persuade me.  So perhaps I shall start by letting some people, some hobbies in, in place of my butter, sugar, egg obsession.  But don’t be fooled, they all must bring something to the table. 

Then I thought to myself…perhaps I just need to grow a pair.  Granted, being in the restaurant industry, I have developed what we consider a thick skin.  But alas, the façade of being that tough chick in the kitchen starts to get boring and what really counts is what you do with it; that being what you have learned over the years and your overall talent or perhaps lack of. 

So, 2010.  I’ve got my new pair.  Chestnuts to be exact.  Chestnuts can be boiled, grilled, confit, steamed, dried, made into a powder and symbolized chastity for the early Christians which stupefies me considering how rich and decadent this nut is!  This delicious starchy nut is commonly found in Italian and French desserts, but also is savory food friendly.

But let me be clear, these chestnuts will not be roasting on an open fire.  But prepared in a beautiful mille-feuille; using sugared golden puff pastry to contain the rich flavor.  Not to forget the candied chestnut studding the perfect chestnut mousseline cream.  Perfectly cut into rectangles to be enjoyed in three bites or less.  Close your eyes and off you go to one of the tastiest experience of 2010.

2009, you were the rollercoaster ride that I apparently needed to get my ass in gear.  I wish I could say it was fun and quite honestly, I am glad to see you go.

2010.  I own you.

 

Chestnut Mille-Feuille:

Puff Pastry: bought at the store because lets be honest, the time it takes to make the perfect puff pastry I will have opened the can of chestnut paste and eaten the entire contents… twice.

Bake the puff pastry in a 385F oven on parchment. Be sure to dock the hell out of it and sprinkle with sugar.  Once it begins to puff and get slight color take out of the oven place a piece of parchment on top and flip. Sprinkle more sugar on top and place the parchment and a wire rack on top.  Back till golden brown. 

Pastry Cream:

16oz milk

4oz sugar

1.25oz cornstarch

5.25oz egg yolks

1 vanilla bean split

Method:

Heat you milk, half of your sugar and split and scraped vanilla bean.  Allow to steep for 30 minutes covered with plastic.  Return to a boil.  Mix your other half of sugar with your cornstarch and whisk into your egg yolks.  Temper you hot liquid into your egg mix and place back on medium heat.  Cook while whisking till thickens.  When you see it start to boil, allow to do so for 60 seconds then take off and strain.

Cool over an ice bath with plastic wrap on top so it doesn’t develop a skin.

Chestnut Cream Filling:

16oz pastry cream

8oz cubed room temp butter

8oz chestnut paste

Method: Place in kitchen aid bowl with the whisk and whisk away till it turns into a fluffy creamy filling.  NO BUTTER CHUNKS.  This takes time, but in the end very worth it.

Once your puff pastry if baked and cooled; cut into 6X6 squares.  Drain a container of candied chestnuts. (Usually you can find these in specialty Italian markets)  Place some of the filling and spread evenly over one square of the puff pastry.  Place pieces of the candied chestnut into the cream.  Top off with more cream and evenly spread out.  Place the second layer of puff pastry on top (be sure to place the nicest side of the puff up) and press down evenly.  Allow to cool for 1 hour then cut using a serrated knife into 1”X2.5” rectangles or present as a cake.  Can decorate with powdered sugar, more candied chestnuts and gold leaf.