Stick A Fork In It, I Am Done Series: “I Don’t Date Poultry”

By Eldest

I usually leave all blog writing to the Youngest and stick to what I know, which is not much. But I had an itch to share something that has come to my recent attention.

When did it become socially acceptable to have important personal conversations solely via technology?

I am sure this topic is not new to you. Tons of articles have been written on this very subject. New human psychologies are being developed because of such a phenomenon.

Yes, technology has brought people together in ways we could never imagine. The world is moving faster than ever before, and we need technology to stay connected.

So, yes, we are lucky. We have the Internet, text messaging, the Facebooks, the MySpaces, the Tweets to help keep us together.

OK, fine.

But where do you draw the line between using technology to stay connected vs. using it to hide or deal with personal matters? Aren’t there just some things that are better dealt with live?

Perhaps, it is just me. But I think we have an epidemic on our hands. OK, perhaps I am being melodramatic, but I think we have a new recipe for social disaster.

It’s called the “Modern Chicken.” **

Modern Chicken Recipe

Prep: 20 min (the amount of time it takes “Modern Chicken” to draft his/her sorry ass message).

Cook: 40 min (time it takes to get “MC” to pull trigger… press send, return, post, etc; basting in alcohol or other liquids helps this process)

Cool: 10 min (this is what the “MC” thinks he/she is after sending out communication, which in fact he/she is not.)

Yield: 8 cups chicken and 8 cups broth, more than you will ever know what to do with

Ingredients

6 bone-in chicken breasts (about 4 pounds)

2 quarts water

1 garlic clove – optional

1 bay leaf – optional

2 teaspoons salt – optional

1 teaspoon pepper – optional

Optional items are not required since blandness is the typical form of taste for most “Modern Chickens.”

Preparation

Bring all ingredients to a boil in a Dutch oven. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 30 to 40 minutes or until done. Cool chicken slightly; remove and discard skin and bones. Chop meat, and store in airtight containers in freezer up to 3 months. Strain and reserve broth to use fresh or freeze, if desired. Broth may be frozen in airtight containers.

After cooling and prepping for storage, take your tush out for a drink with your friends or go order a pizza because you deserve WAY better than this.

We all know a Modern Chicken or two. Perhaps at certain times, you were a chicken yourself. But I have to tell you, you gotta stop. It’s not appetizing.

Modern Chickens just leave a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps it is because I have had enough helpings for a lifetime.

My rooster of a father decided to tell me he was getting remarried in 3 weeks by sending me a voice message. A past boyfriend was too chicken shit to break up with me live, so he did it via email. And just recently, I have been asked out by a number of dry cutlets via txt message and sad Facebook pokes and postings. I have officially lost my appetite.

Seriously, is it too much to ask to pick up the phone? Or better yet, to say whatever needs to be said to one’s face? Is it the fear of someone’s reaction that is going to cook you for good? But, wouldn’t you want the same courtesy?

Have some taste for peat sakes. We would all be a lot more satisfied if you did.