Eldest Strikes Again

My Love/Hate Relationship:

There is a very thin line between love and hate.  Because both emotions require such a large amount of energy from oneself; they are somewhat one in the same.  The truly scary part is how easily the transfer can be made.  It can happen in an instant- and you weren’t even aware anything transpired. 

There are two things in this world that I love and hate the most. 

Macaroons and boys with tattoos.

You see, macaroons are one of the most beautiful and fickle things in the world.  You could do everything right from blending your TPT flour to the proper consistency to folding your whites in correctly but still they refuse to give you that perfect uniform foot.  You just want to cry and bang your head against the table. Why would they do this?!  Such betrayal! It’s heart breaking really! I just don’t understand… I did everything right! 

But in that moment where you see them uniformly rising in the oven like perfect discs you raise your hands to the gods and praise yourself for such amazing ability.    When you get to take them out of the oven and fill them, you notice how perfect and delicate each one is.  This is a truly religious experience.

The same thing applies with boys with tattoos.  Well, more or less. 

I have seen macaroons made a hundred different ways.  One to two to three additions of egg whites in some sort of fashion be it in a meringue or just plain whites.  Mixing, straining, pulverizing your almond flour, silpats, fiber glass, parchment paper, flat sheet pans, metal trays, rationale or convention oven, air or proofer drying, you name it, I’ve tried it.  And I think I found the perfect way.  You see, I have found it best to use old egg whites, at roomtemp.  Using a convention oven with a low fan.  Super flat metal sheet trays with very thin fiber mats.  And for the one real trick that is the opposite of what I have always been told.  Don’t be gentle and easy when folding in meringue.  Beat the living shit out of it.  Look for a beautiful shine and proper piping consistency.  Allow to dry out- place in oven and bake till set.  Pure perfection.

Which comes to my second love/hate relationship.

Boys with tattoos. 

I’ve tried all things, being aloof, super “fun girl”, self sufficient, one of the guys, inappropriate, thoughtful, and still haven’t found the perfect way to woo.  Boys with tattoos, and perhaps even ones without, are indeed super fickle.  I can’t dry them out in a 240F oven hoping that they will mature or hell, blend them to the proper consistency so they don’t act so self-important.   Trying different sheet pans attempting to make them more consistent in their affection and altering drying out times to see if maybe they learn how to take a proper girl out.   Perhaps, changing the ratio of sugar will keep them from being so mean sometimes.  I’ve even tried beating the hell out of them like my beautiful macaroons and again, NOTHING. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that macaroons are overall the better of the two.  They are beautiful, delicious, and if you treat them right, they never let you down.

Boys with tattoos...  Well, piss off.

-Youngest

Cookie Therapy

Yours Vs Mine

Stick A Fork In It, I Am Done Series: “I Don’t Date Poultry”

By Eldest

I usually leave all blog writing to the Youngest and stick to what I know, which is not much. But I had an itch to share something that has come to my recent attention.

When did it become socially acceptable to have important personal conversations solely via technology?

I am sure this topic is not new to you. Tons of articles have been written on this very subject. New human psychologies are being developed because of such a phenomenon.

Yes, technology has brought people together in ways we could never imagine. The world is moving faster than ever before, and we need technology to stay connected.

So, yes, we are lucky. We have the Internet, text messaging, the Facebooks, the MySpaces, the Tweets to help keep us together.

OK, fine.

But where do you draw the line between using technology to stay connected vs. using it to hide or deal with personal matters? Aren’t there just some things that are better dealt with live?

Perhaps, it is just me. But I think we have an epidemic on our hands. OK, perhaps I am being melodramatic, but I think we have a new recipe for social disaster.

It’s called the “Modern Chicken.” **

Modern Chicken Recipe

Prep: 20 min (the amount of time it takes “Modern Chicken” to draft his/her sorry ass message).

Cook: 40 min (time it takes to get “MC” to pull trigger… press send, return, post, etc; basting in alcohol or other liquids helps this process)

Cool: 10 min (this is what the “MC” thinks he/she is after sending out communication, which in fact he/she is not.)

Yield: 8 cups chicken and 8 cups broth, more than you will ever know what to do with

Ingredients

6 bone-in chicken breasts (about 4 pounds)

2 quarts water

1 garlic clove – optional

1 bay leaf – optional

2 teaspoons salt – optional

1 teaspoon pepper – optional

Optional items are not required since blandness is the typical form of taste for most “Modern Chickens.”

Preparation

Bring all ingredients to a boil in a Dutch oven. Cover, reduce heat, and simmer 30 to 40 minutes or until done. Cool chicken slightly; remove and discard skin and bones. Chop meat, and store in airtight containers in freezer up to 3 months. Strain and reserve broth to use fresh or freeze, if desired. Broth may be frozen in airtight containers.

After cooling and prepping for storage, take your tush out for a drink with your friends or go order a pizza because you deserve WAY better than this.

We all know a Modern Chicken or two. Perhaps at certain times, you were a chicken yourself. But I have to tell you, you gotta stop. It’s not appetizing.

Modern Chickens just leave a bad taste in my mouth. Perhaps it is because I have had enough helpings for a lifetime.

My rooster of a father decided to tell me he was getting remarried in 3 weeks by sending me a voice message. A past boyfriend was too chicken shit to break up with me live, so he did it via email. And just recently, I have been asked out by a number of dry cutlets via txt message and sad Facebook pokes and postings. I have officially lost my appetite.

Seriously, is it too much to ask to pick up the phone? Or better yet, to say whatever needs to be said to one’s face? Is it the fear of someone’s reaction that is going to cook you for good? But, wouldn’t you want the same courtesy?

Have some taste for peat sakes. We would all be a lot more satisfied if you did.