I knew I was in for it as soon as I walked in. On one side of the room there was the “just married” section and across the way was the “married with children” area. Then there was the “me” section. Not married and no children. And I was wearing combat boots. I went straight for the beverages and realized I just downed a “Mom-ito”.
Totally. Screwed.
Yes, I will admit, this was the very first baby shower that I didn’t get out of- claiming I had to work, best friend was in town, got a curious case of dungea fever. But, I am actually excited for this friend to be a mom- so, I got over it and bought that cameo diaper bag and carried it down Chicago Ave.
Now when it comes to babies and me, the two just don’t exactly mix well. I've never had that biological ticking of clock, ohhing and ahhing at baby clothes, tiny shoes, or peach fuzz. I think when I was built they left out a part, hell, perhaps two. (I rarely cry and have been told that perhaps I wasn’t born with tear ducts.) What I will dare to say is that yes, babies are cute at times, and sure, the idea of nurturing a human being, and having oneself be their sole universe for that short period of time before they become an adult, sounds pretty amazing. But then again, so does coffee cake in the morning.
Because I didn’t grow up in a household that preached going out into the world, getting married and procreating- my parents taught me how to work hard- it just feels unnatural for me to want this. So I decided to take things into my own hands- immersion therapy. A good friend of mine was helping her cousin with his one-year-old twins during the summer by taking them to baby camp and asked if I could assist one day. So here it was, Operation: Like Babies.
An hour into this, not only had one of the babies not stopped crying since my arrival, but the other had successfully placed a toy fire truck into her mouth. To which my natural response was “she’s going to be very popular in high school.” My friend was neither impressed nor amused with my antics and I thought for sure I was a failure. Then came the singsong session. I learned two things about myself. One; I don’t know the words to Itsy Bitsy Spider. Two; I can’t do this.
Mall walking home to wash my hands of kid drool, various bacteria that had been passed from one child’s mouth to another’s foot, to the others hair, and so forth and so on, I just didn’t see how I would be able to handle this. I work 65 plus hours a week, I have PERSONAL health insurance which covers nothing, I haven’t put any money into my IRA, and I’m almost 30. Hell, I’m not even married. The idea of caring for an individual and showing them this world that at times does not make any sense to me, and hoping, hell praying, that they come out normal?!
Another friend of mine made a valid comment. He suggested that kids are what you have when you get married because when the years go by you will run out of things to talk about. So, it’s a boredom issue? Yes, being with someone for 40 plus years is a long time. It’s a lifetime! But to have children just to fill the time, and hope that your significant other won’t bore the death out of you first, just seems ethically wrong.
I’ve learned the lesson to never say never; so I will not say that I will never have a child willingly. I do believe that it will take more time, and perhaps an extremely understanding wants to stay home with the kids while mom works on her empire and occasionally gets tipsy with her girlfriends, kind of dad.
But to the wonderful friend who is having her first child this week- I am so very happy because I know that you are going to be a wonderful, nurturing, kick-ass mom who will raise her child with a keen sense of self and awesome taste in music.
And I can’t wait to give that kid a sugar high with cakes and cookies and then hand him back to her!
-Youngest
Hot-Cross Bun:
250g-bread flour
250g all-purpose flour
125g warm water
125g warm milk
5g dried yeast
10g salt
50g sugar
1 egg
59g butter
100g dried currants
Zest of one orange
1t cinnamon
Method:
Mix the flours, yeast, salt, and sugar with the dough hook. Add your water, milk, butter, and egg till comes together. Add you orange, currants, and cinnamon and mix till a smooth consistency.
Place in bowl with plastic wrap on top and allow to double in size.
Knock down dough and cut into 8 pieces. Roll into balls and place on to floured tabletop and place damp towel on top. Allow to double in size.
Mix 100g water with 50g flour and pipe a cross on top of the buns. Place into a 400F oven and bake until golden brown.
Melt some apricot jam with a touch of water and glaze when they come out of the oven.
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