My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard:

In the recent years there has been a misguiding notion that chefs are the new rock stars. No, that doesn’t mean that I don my pleather pants, six-inch biker boots and paint my face to look like a cat to attend work. Even though that would be a change form the oversized stark white chef jackets and black baggy chef pants that just scream mom jeans! With chef celebrity television shows, books, magazines, pots and pan lines, and lets not forget their own sitcom; we have forgotten that something is cooking in the oven. (We all recall the sitcom Emeril…right? I can’t hear the word BAM without instantly vomiting in my mouth)

How did this misconception happen? And more importantly, how are we going to make sure it doesn’t ruin the whole profession? Granted, chefs generally have large egos to start with; hell we play with knives and fire all day but we don’t need a talk show to make our heads any bigger. I believe it started with the birth of the Food Network. It seemed harmless, I’m sure. Lets put good chefs on television to showcase how to really cook to the public and because most people like to eat they are likely to watch it. No harm done right? Wrong.

It would seem like anything we showcase on television, print, movies; we feel the need to overexpose it at nausium. Having programs that promote classical cooking techniques wasn’t enough. They brought you Iron Chef, Top Chef, Cupcake Wars, Man vs. Food, and a million other reality chef shows that become less and less about food and more and more about how one could be the next “Celebrity Chef”. I will say that there is much incentive for a chef to appear on these shows; to help them stand out in an insanely rapidly growing chef pool. Why is this profession growing at such a ridiculously rate to the point where thousands of kids are flooding into a market that doesn’t have the structure to withhold it? Easy. This profession has been marketed as the next rock stars. They see chefs throwing fits on prime time and think that it is their true calling, or perhaps yes, yes I could be happy telling someone to “pack their knives and go.” But when you get these kids, and yes, they are kids, in your kitchens and hand them a prep list, they don’t understand that you have to work your ass off to really hack it in this profession and you, the professional, are stuck with their entitlitis.

(Foot note: Entitlitis noun. (en-title-i-tis) the modern epidemic of new individuals in the workforce that feel that they are due instant perks and privileges just because they are there and not because they have worked for it)

It wasn’t enough that this industry is riddled with addictive personalities leading to drugs, alcohol abuse, and the common Peter Pan syndrome. We can now glorify the fact, instead of creating hard working true to form professionals to enter the ever-competitive market. Even better, if we have the capability to be celebrities and rock stars then perhaps we have the opportunity to make $20M per season at a hotel like Bono or perhaps Madonna make per tour. Perhaps I should tell my chef that and right after be running out of the kitchen with my pink slip in hand and a copper pot up my ass.

I am not certain is there is a solution to this ever increasing problem. I would like to think that as a chef we can be appreciated and supported by our peers and patrons that enable us to be successful and allow us to do what it is that we love to do. Cook.

I wonder when Kelis wrote her milkshake song was she perhaps working at a DQ and realized that she too could have a one hit wonder about the delicious and addictive nature of milkshakes after watching a good hour of Top Chef Masters? Whenever I hear that hypnotic jingle I always crave a good vanilla milkshake or even better a malt! People at times confuse the two ice cold treats but the only real difference is that one contains malt powder which gives a slightly sour flavor appeal and thicker mouth feel.

Milk shakes are easy to make and indeed bring the boys to the yard. You mention making one of these creamy flavorful treats; no one will be able to resist you. My favorite growing up was the one my dad always made on a hot summer day, Coffee Milkshake. All you need is coffee ice cream, chocolate sauce, milk, and a blender. Now in days I get a bit creative and make my own ice cream or add other ingredients to the mix, a banana, coffee liquor, orange zest, cardamom for a Turkish coffee effect, the list is endless especially if you start investigating what you have left in the freezer or kitchen cabinets.

I would be more than happy to share with you my Dad’s Classic Coffee Milkshake recipe that really is to die for especially in these hot summer months.

I can teach you. But I’ll have to charge.

La-la. La. La-la.

-Youngest

Dad’s Famously Delicious "Better Than Yours " Coffee Milk Shake:

1 pint Haagen daz

1.5 cups whole milk

per taste Herheys Chocolate sauce

1 “glug” Bailys Irish Cream- if it’s been a long day, perhaps 2 glugs or maybe the whole damn bottle…

Place all this in the blender and turn on high. Be sure to have the lid on- its not a pretty site…believe me, I’ve seen it. Be sure to not to run it too long because it will heat up the mixture and make it soupy. Go get that chilled pina colada glass from the freezer and fill her up. Best served up with friends on a patio.