Three’s Company

In most cases, people have “types”.  The consistent attributes that you find in those you are attractive to which presents a reoccurring theme.  He’s funny, she’s blonde, they are absolutely out of their mind.   I never felt that I had a “type”; I truly believe I am an equal opportunity relationship offender.  I was indeed wrong.  I have come to realization that every male that I seem to find attractive or have the silly idea that they are dateable; I find one similarity. 

They have all had threesomes.

Coming from a fairly conservative family, I wonder to myself- how does the situation possibly offer itself to them.  They always make it seem as if it was no big deal- “it just presented itself”.  I suppose when opportunity knocks, these guys open the door to find two girls.

In doing more research on my scientific findings, I took to the streets and asked some friends.  My girlfriends; none.  (And ultimately that is why they are my girlfriends; I suppose besides eating family style, we don’t like to share much)  My guy friends, 75%.  For example, my friend Mr. High-five (obviously not his real name, but you know who you are.) had two in a year- and he exclaims with pure ecstasy “it was awesome.”  His thoughts are “you have to try everything, Youngest. “ Sure, I’ll try veal brains, fried cockroaches, even morels if you get me on a good day; but this, I was out of my league.

Eldest inquires, how is it that you attract these types?  My only thought is that I date mostly in the industry; cooks, chefs, servers, bartenders… To which most work very hard and play even harder and generally six drinks deep.  Perhaps, with the new obsession with chefs and the “restaurant” business; women are just lining up to be with someone who plays with knifes and fire all day and willing to bring their friend Candy along.   Being a female in “the industry” there is an amount of absurdity that is present, and you have the choice to laugh it off or just run for the hills.  Give me a few more years of this and I’ll be nicely settled in the Rocky Mountains. Come over, sit by the fireplace and I’ll make you some hot chocolate and cake.

The Hot Chocolate: a thick velvet mixture of chocolate with a hint of almond.  And homemade vanilla cinnamon marshmallows, of course.  

The cake, Tres Leches.  Three Milks.  

 A buttery white cake traditionally soaked in condensed milk, evaporated milk, and heavy cream.  Topped with whip cream and generously powdered with cinnamon. A truly beautiful thing when executed correctly.

I would treat you to a Tres Leches that has been soaked in heavy cream, condensed milk, coconut milk, and a splash of Mount Gay, Barbados Rum. Topped with whipped cream with a hint of mascarpone, shredded fresh coconut and lime zest. One can change things up a bit- you could use cajeta, dolce de leche, passion fruit, goats milk, chocolate cake, the list is endless; ultimately to create another level of flavor to enjoy.  I suppose you could do that with partners as well; one blonde, one brunette.  One short, one tall.  Ultimately, I gather that these males are looking for some sort of adventure, a new experience.  I’ll stick to the Tres Leches.  My favorite threesome.

 

Velvet Almond Hot Chocolate:

Yields: 2 servings

 Chocolate Base:

5oz cocoa powder

9.5 oz sugar

12oz heavy cream

3.5oz glucose

2T water

2T vanilla extract; preferably Madagascar

.25t salt

Half a vanilla bean, split and scraped

METHOD:

Heat sugar, cream, glucose, water, vanilla extract, salt and vanilla bean.  Allow to simmer.  Shut off and steep for thirty minutes covering the top with plastic wrap.  Bring back to medium heat and whisk in cocoa powder.  Cook for about 8 minutes on low heat and whisk consistently to ensure lumps work out and sauce will thicken.  Strain. (IF needed burr mix with hand immersion blender)

Hot Chocolate:

10oz whole milk

1 cup toasted almonds- dark

METHOD:

Combine both in blender to create almond milk.  Strain. Reserve 6 oz of almond milk.

6oz almond milk

6oz whole milk

1.4oz Chocolate Base

2oz 64% chocolate- or if you like it bitter, try Guanaja from Valhrona

METHOD:

Heat both milks together.  Add the chocolate base and chocolate.  Blend with immersion blender till smooth. 

Vanilla Marshmallow:

.75oz sheet gelatin

4oz water

12oz sugar

6oz glucose

6oz honey

.25oz vanilla extract

.5T ground cinnamon

METHOD:

Place gelatin in cold water till clear and soft.  Squeeze out extra liquid.  Place sugar, honey, glucose, and water into pot and cook till 240F.  Have egg whites in mixer with whisk and mix till frothy.  When sugar reaches correct temperature add gelatin.  Slowly pour mixture into whites and it is whipping.  Mix on high speed till whips firm and increases in volume.  Place in half sheet pan with parchment that has been well oiled.  Allow to set up.  Cut into small squares and toss in a mixture of half cornstarch half powdered sugar.

Tres Leches:

High Ratio Cake:

Yields: 2 -8” cake pan

20.5oz sugar

20oz cake flour

.75oz baking powder

.5oz salt

9oz milk

5.25oz eggs

6.75oz egg whites

.75oz vanilla extract

12oz butter

METHOD:

Cream your butter with your sugar till light and fluffy.  Group together your flour, baking powder, salt and then your milk, eggs, whites, vanilla extract.  Alternate adding these groups into your butter mixture.  Be sure to allow to incorporate fully before another addition and be sure to scrape down your bowl.  Place into pans that have been sprayed well with non-stick spray and bake at 300F till golden brown. 

Tres Leche Mix:

1 cup heavy cream

1 cup coconut milk

1 cup condensed milk

.25c Mount Gay, Barbados Rum

METHOD:

Mix all together and pour over cooled cake and allow to soak overnight.  (If you can wait that long…)

Fresh Toasted Coconut:

Fresh mature coconut

METHOD:

Take a wine key and screw all three holes of the coconut.  Drain coconut milk from shell.  Using a hammer, yes a hammer, carefully hit coconut till opens and reveals flesh.  Carefully take meat away from the shell and using a peeler peel delicate long strips.

Whipped Mascarpone Cream:

.5 cup mascarpone cream

1.5c heavy cream

2T sugar

METHOD:

Place all in mixer and whip till medium peak.

To Finish:

Cut cake into pieces. Place a dollop of whipped cream on top.  Zest a lime and place on top of whipped cream along with coconut. 

The Birth of a Baby Chick

 Most times, my ideas are ridiculous.  Generally, ranging from the inner depths of inappropriateness or the fact that my internal monologue wasn’t turned on that day.   Hence, the root of this story.  So it begins, a balmy day in Buenos Aires.  My sister and I are taking our annual holiday- she is so gracious to travel with me because the itinerary usually includes me running around a city looking for the best food, the tastiest beverage, most interesting service and overall the hottest looking people. 

We found ourselves in what they called a “caliente” spot…. It served traditional Argentinean fare of casseroles- filled with varied meats, vegetables all stewed together- basically heaven. After realizing that my sister is well, as much as I love her dearly and would not trade her for the world- a vegetarian for the most part.  So after I attempted- and I use the word attempted- to explain to our server that we couldn’t have pork, sweetbreads, or anything that came from an animal- she looked at me blankly.  So then I started making animal noises- completely forgetting that my best friends last name was VACA and dammit, that means cow in Spanish.  After an embarrassing three minutes- I ordered our first bottle of Argentina Malbec.

Bottle #1:

We loosen up- catch up the usual. How our mother can drive us crazy but you know “she’s mom!” What color we plan on dying our hair next. Business- why we feel stifled in our current job situation- if only someone would give us large amounts of unmarked bills with no strings attached.  You know the usual.

Bottle #2:

My sister proceeds to divulge all and tells me a story that I can’t even top.  I mean wow.  This took the whole bottle.

Bottle #3:

I divulge that I just gotten broken up with- the hurt, the angry, the “how the hell was I with the person for so long but somehow still feel bad because you know “it’s a break up!”  After going through all the silly little details and what did I do wrong, it was at this moment that I declared that my mission; was to make pastries that would be an extension of how I felt- of course using the best techniques, natural ingredients, and oh so adorable decor.  If I want to write, “I’m Too Good For You” on a cake- I will- it will be the roasted banana, salted peanut milk chocolate Wild Turkey bourbon mousse cake.  OR the “I Hope You Get an STD” cake- obviously Raspberry Mexican Vanilla Bavarian…  Then there is the “I Can’t Stop Thinking About You” cake; Tahitian Vanilla, Goose Island Root beer, and Cherries, and the oh so addictive “Wanna Make Out?” cake; chocolate, chocolate, and chocolate- preferably of the 70% persuasion and of course, cocoa nibs.

Making food is such an extension of our emotions and what is going on- why not have a bit of your soul on display? 

My sister and I had an amazing time thinking of all the different cake names we would make and more importantly who we would have sent them too. (I still have my list handy)   It was the last drop of this bottle that I slurred “I shall call it the Bitter Chick Bakery”- not only for the fact that I was obviously drunk, dumped, and in a foreign country- sometimes a good laugh and a good pastry can just be what you need instead of therapy.

Awakening from our Malbec coma- I turned to look at my sister from my bed made for midgets, and had a groggy sense that something, an idea, was born.  Slowly rolling myself off my bed and crawling to the shower to get the day started in looking for yet another tasty adventure, I realized that in our attempt to deal with life’s giving’s we created something out of it that is our own.  But all in all, the fact in that single bite; all that anger, joy, relucence, or happiness would be washed away by the pure joy of a damn good dessert.

-Youngest

Not

Vanilla

Bitter is Better. Coming soon.